the life of a fembot

These last few weeks have been refreshing. I finished my finals about two weeks ago...one of them consisted of going outside and flying a kite for two hours. It was beautiful outside and I, believe it or not, have never flown a kite before. Erin says this is because I am some type of fembot and that I didn't have a childhood. This response originated after our friendship ensued and she discovered that I haven't seen the movies that are considered to be essential for any kid, like, The Wizard of Oz, Adventures in Babysitting, Labyrinth...but her and Travis are both working to remedy that situation.

In speaking of movies, Travis and I watched a great documentary on John Lennon the other evening. I found it unsurprising but nonetheless devastating how violence, both in the physical and political sense, was the ultimate result in all of his peaceful, nonviolent resistance. It disheartens me to think that this is humanity.

Another extraordinary piece of art I've been adhering myself to is Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine. I honestly never gave this CD much of a chance when I first got a burned copy. I told this to Travis and he put it in my car in the morning and told me that it was imperative that I just give it a good listen.
So I did. And WOW. It's an eargasm.

We had a sweet party last night! Lots of ribs and beer and good times!

Did I mention we're getting a kitten?! She's the apple of my eye. Pictures soon to come. Her name is Stella.

'Tis all for now. I want some breakfast!

rush for a change of atmosphere...

I've been very conflicted lately with the prospect of staying or going. Of course this is eventually, not for at least a year, but it still leaves me unable to make the decisions I need to get that place...wherever that may be.
I've made the infamous list, the pros and cons. But it balanced and none of my questions were answered. It was as simple as this: I love the summer here. I hate the winter here. It's detrimental to my sanity to live near my family and his family. I love my friends.
Situation no win. It seems like pregression. A blending of progression and regression.
I'm hoping the impending road trip will possibly lead me somewhere of contentment.

learning to fly

These last few weeks have been reviving...somehow the change in weather brought about one in myself as well. Hopefully it remains more consistent than the weather in this lake effect shit-hole. Fortunately we had a few days where the sun stayed out for almost the whole day! Can you believe it? While I was looking up into the sky and tracing cloud shapes with my mind, I swear I saw a pig fly by. On of those mornings in particular, the counterpart and I had some cereal for breakfast out on our deck and watched all the birds flitting about, chirping to each other in a language I still haven't quite figured out. Poo-tee-weet.

On another one of those mornings, Sunday, Anthony came by at the ass-crack o' dawn to get me to pose for him and one of his lovely artistic endeavors. It was a visit of the very best kind. Also, his visions sort of stirred something in me---a need, or a desire...to create again, although I'm not sure what form it will take this time. I believe I am beginning to gravitate towards photography, which will be a supreme skill to take along on the trip. By the way, that's in like, a month.

Recently, I've also had the displeasure on numerous occasions of being faced with the inevitable "What do you plan on doing after graduation?" and I, on cue, think to myself "Have a party. A cake. Presents." But instead I say, on cue, "Uh...work at Michael's?" Followed immediately by a myriad of responses, ranging from "You'll definitely need a Master's to do that." "Have you though about Grad school?" "Are you planning on moving up the corporate craft ladder?"

...followed by my response, which I dutifully scream only loud enough for myself to hear, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

I just stopped thinking about school for this semester and now this!

How many years until retirement?


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How many days until vacation? 33 days!

an uncomfortable degree of coolness

I haven't posted in some time for a few reasons. Reason 1 being that I am absent-minded and could not remember which of my email addresses corresponded with the myriad of passwords I keep stashed in some compartment of my brain. Therefore, I could not even access this thing. I finally figured it all out. Reason 2 that I have failed to post a new entry is that I find it most irritating trying to write when I'm feeling like a dry well.
I haven't written a poem in years. Poetry used to be such a big part of my life. I'd call up Anthony and we'd share poems for hours and hours...now I feel I have nothing to share. I am unsure if it is because of contentment, in regards to my maturing out of that angst-ridden phase of high school life, though I find myself ill at ease more moments than not throughout the day. Or is it because I have given into the doldrums that accompany winter's lack of warmth, a melancholy state of mind that is no stranger to me this time of year. I am beginning to equally worry and wonder if and what the answer will be to my dreariness?
That's all for now.

commencing countdown/engine's on

I feel like I've been here before, in this same situation. A journaling de'ja' vu, if you will. I began a journal over 4 years ago and left it about a year ago and have missed it ever since. It was such a big part of my life and I would like to experience it again, which is why I have a new one. To visit the old one, go here: The Egg is Cracked

Beginnings can be so awkward, for me it's the lack of ease of creating in a new space, knowing what to say and how to transition smoothly from nothing at all. It seems like the first few sentences or paragraphs, or in this case the first few blogs, must endure something well enough compelling to invoke the desire to keep reading on. But that's alot of pressure. So whatever.

I am hoping to accomplish alot of things with this new journal like I have with my other. More than anything I would just like to make a point of articulating my feelings through words in response to the unravelings in my world.

I chose lost_in_space for my new journal as it is the title of a beautiful cd written by Aimee Mann. Her way with words inspires me to do my best at transforming my feelings into words. The futurity of those words will preserve my memories and thoughts for anyone who is interested in reading about them. Not to mention that I just like to be reminded that the planet Earth is just an iota in the matrix of the universe.


Word of the Day: Golden Handcuffs - special benefits offered to an employee as an inducement to continue service. Think of getting a really huge raise at a job you hate. Getting suckered in despite your happiness by the driving force of America: MONEY!

This comes from a calendar I have, and I will implement it in my journal to make use of the new words I am learning.